Well, this is my first blog. Why am I blogging? I am not blogging for the world and will be perfectly content if nobody but me ever read this. I am writing because over the years I've kind of lost myself and I feel that this will be a first step in rediscovering me. Many of my issues stem from my inability to take better care of myself and focus on caring for those around me. It took me awhile to figure out that my wanting to please everyone else was my way of trying to be accepted by others. If I say no to someone, will they still like me or continue to be my friend. Irrational? Of course it is!
So where do I start? I don't think I will ever be able to "unprogram" my willingness to help those that I care about and I don't want to completely change that part of me. What I want to do is first work on my physical health. I am not suffering from any diagnosed ailment, but my current weight places me in the morbidly obese category in comparison to my height. I don't have sleep apnea, but I snore because of the weight gain. I am 5' 3" and I weight 230 pounds-wow! That is the first time that I have publicly revealed my weight-my family doesn't even know.
How did I get here? I could sit here and try to lie and blame it on society or my mother. But that would be one BIG FAT LIE! The truth is my eating habits are atrocious and I don't exercise. Growing up, the majority of my meals were homemade, my weight during adolescence averaged 125 lbs and I rarely ate fast food because of the cost. Can you believe that when I became an adult and had control over my money-goodbye homemade meals and hello Mickey D's. My weight remained the same for a little while because my activity level hadn't changed. But the minute I stopped working out, the weight slowly crept on and here I am.
How is blogging gonna change me? It'll allow me to deal with my issues instead of ignoring them. And trust me I can no longer continue to pretend that my weight is not an ISSUE.
Okay, first things first. I already have my protein shakes and Acai Berry juice. I am going to start journaling everything that crosses my lips starting now:
Breakfast
large bowl of oatmeal with raisins and brown sugar
Lunch
frozen 10" inch cheese pizza
Snack
bowl of Frosted Flakes and 2% milk
16 0z. cup of water
two slices of white toast with tablespoon of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spread
Dinner
frozen 10" inch sausage pizza
16 0z. cup of water
See what I mean-atrocious right?!
Baby Steps
Tomorrow I will stop at the Edward Fitness Center and acquire a new identification card. When I get home, pack a bag for the gym and start to write down my meals.
A starting boost-I will follow a twice weekly liquid only diet, with an influx of veggies and fruits. This is only a temporary start for two weeks to give me a lil boost.
Well, it is getting late and if I am going to start tomorrow off right, I should get ready for bed. Just gonna finish watching 'The Good Wife' and wash my face.
Until tomorrow. Goodnight April ; ).
